| Important Safety Issue |
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| 06:59pm 03/03/2006 |
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mood:  distressed
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There is a silent threat that is often ignored. People are in this position numerous times every day. Yet not many realize the danger they are putting themselves in. It is painful and has affected 1-in-4 people in my immediate family. At first it affects a localized area of the body, but then spreads through compensation.
People who suffer from this condition are laughed at. Only because the causes are not fully understood. Just wait until it happens to them.
I feel obligated to inform you... This threat is... And I am being completely serious... Don't let it happen to you... Oh the horror of it all!!! I don't want to tell you... But if I don't, who will??? At all costs, avoid being in a position where you are...
sitting!!!
My ankle has been in an out of a painful state for the past week. Each reoccurance occurred while I was in a sitting position. Not in the process of sitting, or standing, but sitting. It really does hurt and now my knee hurts from having to limp because of my ankle.
Don't become the next victim...
This warning was brought to you by the CAH Foundation (Carey's Ankle Hurts Foundation). Further information will be provided in case of any developments. You are to be on the alert. |
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| I want to whine... |
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| 10:06pm 20/11/2005 |
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Warning, this is on a subject that I hate dwelling on and did not want to post, but it is such a part of my life right now. It will probably be really long, since I have kept most of this bottled up for a little over a day and I am generally long-winded anyway.
There are people who say that movies don't affect them. I am not one of those. I did a stupid thing recently. I broke one of my own movie watching rules and watched a movie that I knew better than to watch (definite chick-flick). I broke another one of my rules by watching it just because I wanted to see a certain actor in it.
Although I watched the movie yesterday, just thinking about it still makes my heart ache. I don't want to reveal too much about the movie, since I don't want anyone else to go through what I have. But it was a romancy movie, made in the late 70's. The male lead was just such a gentleman and if some of his morals changed and he was a Christian I would so take him. But from the small view I had of his "life" I know that it wouldn't have worked out.
The "love" between the two characters was probably closer to lust. Maybe that is why it is hurting my heart so much. I want a relationship so much, but right now I am very apt to not make the right decisions in that respect. I would let my feelings run away with me.
I know there is more God wants from me in this season of my life, but I don't know what yet. Every time I think I know, I get scared and can't do it. Too many fears have been instilled in me. Everything from fear of rejection to fears regarding physical safety. Probably because I live in a not-so-safe neighborhood, I have been taught to look out for my safety above all else, since I am a single female. I do feel compassion for people, but I don't know how to show it in a safe way. You would also think that after all the rejection I have had to take that I would not be bothered as much by it, but it does still keep me from doing some things.
I need help, but I don't know where to turn. I need help from an older woman of the faith, someone to keep me accountable and to lead me to deeper levels of faith, but all I know is where not to look for that help. My mom has told me on many occassions, that spiritually she looks up to me. My church is so small, so in a way it is ideal for me to find someone, since I pretty much know everyone in the church by name. But I don't know the women that well and therefore I don't know who I can turn to. Not to mention that most of them are busy enough looking after their own children. To a degree, I think they are leaving training like that up to the parents, but my parents can not give that to me. My mom thinks I am way above her and my dad is not even a Christian.
I have asked my pastor for help in this matter, but it was in an e-mail that was also about another matter, and I think he just forgot or passed over it because of my long-windedness. I need to talk to him about it, but that requires a lot courage for me. Besides, it will at least have to wait until next week, since he is going to be out of town. I am anxious to get help though. I am just not where I need to be, in regards to my spiritual walk, and I can't do it on my own. I know Jesus can help, but I am weak and will often start out strong and then get to a point where I have to start all over again, it is like a roller coaster ride. I lack discipline and it shows in my spiritual walk and my everday life.
Just as a side note, I am really glad I didn't buy the movie I talked about at the beginning. Instead I just rented it from blockbuster.com. Now I just have to keep myself from watching it one more time before I send it back. I know that it will stick in my head even more if I watch it again, but I feel drawn to watch it anyway. This would be why I avoid chick-flicks like the plague, because they are. They both hurt and the memory lasts long after it is over.
Well, that is enough whining for one day, I apologize now to anyone who read all of that, but I just had to get it off my chest.
I warned you it was whiny. |
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| Top Model? |
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| 01:48pm 06/09/2005 |
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mood:  sore music: Menomenon
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Today, I decided to wear a shirt that a friend gave to me. It says:
God's Top Model
Virtuous Woman
Proverbs 31
Well, I while on my way from class to my car, I proved that I am not model material. I fell, I tripped over my own feet. I scraped my knee (which can't be seen since I am wearing jeans) and my left wrist. My ankle is also killing me right now. I don't think it is fully sprained, since I can still walk on it. I think I have sprained my ankle enough times that I can tell when I have sprained it.
*A Walk Down Memory Lane*
Elementary School - I sprained my ankle on the only two steps in the whole school.
Middle School - I sprained my ankle on the two steps between the top level of the cafeteria and the table that I usually had lunch at.
Old High School - I only spent one year at that school, but I managed to sprain my ankle on one of the only two sets of stairs in the school. It was bound to happen, since so many of classes happened to be in the only hall in the whole school with stairs.
New High School - This building had a ton of stairs. Yet, I managed to sprain my ankle on the bleachers in the gym instead.
I made it all the way through community college without a sprain, but it looks like I might have partially sprained my ankle on my 5th day at University. |
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| American What...? |
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| 11:18pm 25/05/2005 |
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mood:  angry music: 89.7 Power FM (duh...)
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Alright, I know a lot of people are probably going to be giving their take on the season finale of American Idol. I might be giving a slightly different take on it though, although there is probably someone else out there who thinks somewhat like me.
First off, I am not a fan of AI. In fact, I despise it really. It tends to represent everything I dislike right now. Perfect looking people, secular music, and secular popularity. I know people will argue that, Rueben was not perfect looking and he won, but Clay Aiken fits the mold better and he is the one still getting more recognition.
The only reason I watched the season finale was to see if a rocker could win. He wasn't just someone who sang rock music, he was also someone who looked like a rocker. It wasn't until recently that I took a liking to rock music or the rock image but I do now.
A short explanation as to why I like rock music now. About ten years ago I listened to secular pop. The station I listened to ticked me off though, when they insulted a listener right after they hung up, as if they were going to turn off their radio and not listen to the station after they hung up. So I went in search of a new station.
It was at this time that I started to question the standard of lyrics I was listening to. It was then that I noticed that the music that I knew the lyrics the best to, was about sex. I didn't want those songs in my head anymore (although they still come back sometimes now). So I decided to switch to the oldies station that my mom listened to. My thinking was that if it was old, then it must be clean.
Well, I got tired of love songs, so I went searching for a Christian station. I didn't know where any of them were, I just knew that they must be on the unfashionable lower end of the dial. I was expecting to have to deal with gospel music, which isn't bad, but not my cup of tea really. Eventually I found a station that played contemporary Christian music. This was a great station for a while. It introduced me to the fact that not all Christian music was gospel.
Eventually I got really tired of the commercials on that station though. They made the station become depressing. It was either for a new car (my car is a heap) or weight loss (I am obese) or for a dating service (I am single) or for laser eye surgery (I wear glasses) or for a certain insurance company (I felt guilty humming their jingle while working for the insurance company I work for). Not to mention that most of the time, when you heard the voice of a DJ, they were doing an ad for one of the previously mentioned sercives. Also, on the 15 minute drive to church, sometimes I would only hear one or two songs and the rest of the time I would hear commercials. I got tired of it.
Before I gave up on that station, a friend of mine had told me about a Christian rock station. I had programmed it into my car radio so I could tune it in when I was driving at night. I trusted my friend and knew that even though I couldn't understand the lyrics, they probably were giving me bad unconscious orders.
I can't remember the exact moment I made the switch really. I don't know if my friend told me they had no commercials, or if I discovered that on my own. Either way, I was in heaven. Not only is the music Christian, but they don't have commercials. They have public service announcements. In other words, they have little spots that have Bible supports/studies (my favorite is Creation Moments) or things like messages against using drugs. It is awesome. That is why I love 89.7 Power FM So, I have gradually come to love and understand the rock music they play as well. I could go on and on for hours about all of the reasons I love this station now though. I have also always loved the idea of being different than everyone else, so I have come to love the rocker image.
That is why I watched the season finale of American Idol (bet you never thought I would get back to it). I wanted to see if a rocker could make it in a mostly pop contest. Instead, it happened just as I hoped it wouldn't. Although Carrie was a country girl, she could easily have the pop look. Bo on the other hand, could only not look rock if he chopped off most of his hair. Carrie might have done well the night before, but I think it was mostly because she was working in a genre closer to her own than Bo was.
I suffered through two hours of American Idol to see him win, and he didn't. So, once again, when next season starts, I won't be watching. If I hear of another rocker with a chance, I will know better too. |
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| 03:46pm 13/06/2004 |
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mood:  thoughtful music: Nothing Back - According to John
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Well, not much going on lately. Seen some movies lately, none that are worth talking about in great detail.
There have been a lot of storms lately. I love watching the lightning flash. It is just so pretty.
Hopefully it won't rain this evening though, since my church is going to have a fellowship picnic today.
Other than that, nothing really. |
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| We will see... |
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| 10:35pm 13/05/2004 |
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mood:  hyper music: The Song the Voices are Singing to Me!
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Wolfdawn is bugging me... She keeps bragging about having a paid live journal account and rubbing it in. She says to blame John, but I blame her...
She says that this will be posted whether I want it to or not. We will see, what we will see. Well that is how it usually works out. yeah.
She says I'm drunk, never touched a drop, in my life. That is a nice song to sing...
I am insane. Wolfy likes to repeat that over and over, even though I said it first... today.
Who knows what tomorrow shal bring. We will see, what we will see.
I am not tired. I really need to write a score for this post.
For all who this made sense to, say "Aye". Now!
Anyone? You mean no one like me?
I see how it is...
I don't like you either...
No, I change my mind, I love dew.
I hope you love dew, too. Cause I do, love dew. Not Mountain Dew though, that stuff is nasty. I apologize to all of those who live in the mountains, no offense is meant to you. I love dew too.
I am being asked if I am done yet, I am not sure.
We will see, what we will... |
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| Yesterday... |
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| 05:20pm 11/03/2004 |
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mood: tired music: 89.7 Power FM
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Read with caution, I had a bad day yesterday...
I am just sooo... tired right now. I don't know why. I had ten hours of sleep last night, but I can seem to keep my eyes open...
Yesterday stunk though, it seemed like everything that could have gone wrong, did go wrong and everytime it looked like I got a break, it seem to make things a bit worse.
To start off with, I did wake up when my alarm went off, but I didn't really stay up. So, I rushed to leave the house to get to class on time. I was two minutes tops late to biology. I don't think I missed anything. I was a bit distracted though by the fact that I hadn't finished my biology lab report yet for lab that day. So I planned to not go to my Algebra and Art Appreciation classes and just work on the paper in the library during that time. I am in college so even though it is bad to miss class, I won't get into trouble like detention for it. Besides I am almost a chapter ahead in my Algebra class and we had taken a test in Art last time, so I wasn't really going to be missing much.
I did make it to the library and for the first two hours I hand wrote the paper. Then the second hour was spent typing it up and making it make sense. Well, since we had a practical exam that day in lab the class didn't start til noon and at about noon I headed for lab without the paper being complete, but at least it would be better than nothing. I was going to ask the teacher if I could turn it in later that day for a reduced grade. I thought I had saved what I had done to a draft of an hotmail e-mail since we the school computers are supposed to delete all saved files once you log off (which they don't). I didn't have a disk with me, I did have a pen drive, but I can't find the USB port on the school computers.
I was late to lab, by three minutes tops. I could hear the teacher talking through the door, but to get into the labs you either have to know a certain code to unlock the door or you have to wait till someone lets you in. There was a note taped to the door that said, "Practical Exam in Progress - Wait until instructed to enter." So I knocked on the door, but I knew they probably couldn't hear it so I knocked again a little harder. No one came to the door. Well, this teacher hates it when people are tardy so I thought she might be just wanting to teach me a lesson for being late. So I waited a few more minutes before knocking again. I wait about twenty more minutes. By this time I was getting really worried and since I didn't get much sleep the night before and the last think I had to "eat" was a Slim Fast shake I was also starting to shake.
It was at that moment that I remembered that I realized that I had left my pocket PC in the library. I was torn between waiting to be let in and going back to get the thing that has all of my class notes and isn't very cheap either. Well, I took a chance and ran back down stairs and luckily it was still where I had left it. Instead of running back up the stairs, I took the elevator up. The other two ladies in the elevator looked familiar to me, I think they either teach labs, or they are lab assistants. Well, one of them was actually on her way to the lab too. When I got back to the door I knocked harder than I had before and this time someone opened it up for me. While trying to explain what happened my voice was very shaky and I felt like I was going to start crying, more from nerves than from sadness. She said they never heard me knock when I had before, otherwise she would have let me in.
So, I got to take my practical, although I had to rush it, she did give me more time though, in order to make up for time lost. I probably could have done better given more sleep or food, but I think I did alright. After I finished I asked her if I turned the paper today if it would be considered a day late, I had read the syllabus and it said I could turn it in up to two days late. She said if I turned it in that day (to the instructors' office) it would be on time. I was happy about that, but also a bit upset that I missed my classes when I didn't have to.
I looked at my syllabus again and I thought it said that the instructors' was open til 5:00 PM on Wednesdays. So I decided to go home and eat some lunch before worrying about it. When I got home I ate lunch (no milk :( though). Then relaxed for about an hour before getting back to the paper. It was then that I found out that the copy I thought I had saved into an e-mail draft was not there. So I had to type all six pages again. Then I also did the graphs and tables that I didn't have time to do before. By the time I finished it was less than fifteen minutes till 5:00 PM. On a good day it is hard for me to make it to the school in twenty minutes. This was almost rush hour. So, by the time I got to the school it was 5:08 PM.
I was just going to try and turn it in anyway, but then I looked at my syllabus again and it said "Monday-Thursday 9:00 AM - 9:30 PM; and Friday 9:00 AM - 5:00 PM." In other words I rushed for nothing. So I drove back home and saved the files to disk and went back to school to work on the paper's grammar. I ended up printing it twice since I messed it up the first time. The school only let's you print so many pages for free a year, then you have to pay. So even though I rarely print there and have plenty of pages left, I hate printing pages that are just going to be thrown away.
Since I had a class at 6:30 at another campus, I turned it in at about 6:00 and then headed off to English class. Well, I was a few minutes late to that class, it is hard to find parking there. Luckily the teacher was still in the class room so I could prove I was there. It was a library research day, so everyone has to go to the library and then show the teacher what they did while they were there. I used most of the time looking for books to check out for references for my paper on divorce, that is when I found out I had a fine at my city library for $3.50. The ironic part being that it is for a book titled <u>You Mean I'm Lazy, Crazy, Or Stupid?</u>. It is a book on ADD and one of the manifistations of my ADD is that I am very forgetful.
After class was over I looked for the teacher to sign out for class. I could not find her anywhere. I ended up having to leave anyway though. It was 7:47 and that meant I had thirteen minutes to pick up my friend Holly and go to theater to see a 8:00 showing of Return of the King (would have been my eighth time to see it). It would have been a much needed distraction. I tried calling Holly to let her know that I was going to be late, but her phone was busy. I am not mad at her, because I know why she was online. It was just frustrating. So I went home and since I didn't have anything else to eat I had a hot pocket, which give me heart burn (at least someone bought some milk).
This is when the day looks a bit better. Holly was online because she was trying to look up names for a puppy she just got. It is just the cutest puppy. It is named Ciara. They had a list of names and they let me pick which name. I get to meet her today, the pictures I have seen so far have been so cute!
That was my day and now it is recorded for posterity. Today has already been better, and hopefully the rest of the week will be better too. |
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| Church Studies |
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| 03:45am 03/03/2004 |
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mood:  confused
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I went to my old church again today. It was kind of weird. I am curious how many of the women at that Bible study know that I started to go to the church that recently broke off from theirs... For those who don't know what I am talking about, I have recently changed churches. The church I had gone to just wasn't where God wanted me to be at that time. The man who was the associate pastor there is the associate pastor of my new church. It wasn't a big bad church split. It was more of an older church sponsoring a younger church. I know Christ's Community Church (CCC) is where God wants me to be.
The reason I wonder if people know I changed churches is I wasn't able to be at the fellowship where people who were going to start the new church with Kirk (the pastor) stood up so they could be prayed over. I still wasn't sure where I was going to go at that time, so even then I people might not have know, but I did choose that night. Well, two weeks ago I was asked if I wanted to baby sit for a women's Bible study at the old church. I said sure, but now I am wondering if they know. I was sick last week so my mom had to go for me, but I was able to go this week. Almost every woman there who knew me said something like, "Haven't seen you in a while..." I didn't want to put too much of a damper on them right before a study (why should more than one person be uncomfortable), so I guess I kind of avoided the issue.
That church really needs prayer though. They currently have been without a pastor for at least two years now. They just lost a large amount of members and it looks like they are having problems making ends meet. I wish there was more I could do for them. My mom is still going there, so I am not completely disconnected. Of course CCC needs prayer too. Last thing I heard we still haven't gotten word back from the local community college as to whether we can use their facilities for worship. If it's not God's will that we meet there, we are just praying that He will show us where we need to go.
The Bible study was pretty good though. It got me thinking about some more word studies. I just love how the words used in other languages are so much more specific. That is why I also love my good old exhaustive concordance and the Internet. I can find out why a word was translated in a certain way and find out the other ways it has been translated in other places. Sometimes you have to wonder why they choose one word for one place and another word for another. I really need to learn Greek.
Tomorrow will be fun, hopefully... I get to go back to biology class and biology lab. Woo-hoo (she said in a monotone voice). Well at least I get to go to algebra. Who would have ever thought I would say something like that. I guess I am just having too much fun since I am finally understanding it. I guess that medicine the doctor put me on helps with math skills.
All right, time for a another quiz result. This one is bit more confused. You see, it gave me three answers (maybe I'm the one confused). It can be found at http://www.paleothea.com/quiz.html. It doesn't have a way to put the pics on and I didn't like all of them anyway. I used to really like researching Greek myths when I was younger. I still remember most of it, but I still didn't expect the pairings it made for me on the level of which Greek goddess I am. Apparently I am Artemis, Hestia, and Athena. The site also has a quiz for which Greek god you are, but I am not sure if I want to know, especially know the choices and since I am female when they ask about sexual preference I would be truthful, but it will definitely skew the results towards a certain few. |
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| Yesterday |
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| 01:19am 02/03/2004 |
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mood: tired
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Yesterday was interesting, somewhat? All right it was pretty boring, but I haven't written anything in here since the first week, so I need something. So I resolve to post a quiz result each night. Today I will just note that Algebra is easy and college English is weird and twisted. Joined the CW live journal community today (actually tonight). Interesting that right now it only includes, me, Lycoris, and JohnM.
All right, I saw this quiz on Lyco's journal. I couldn't help myself, I took the quiz and it came up with the oddest answer.
Which Homestar Runner character are you?
this quiz was made by jurjyfrort
Does anyone see any of this as applying to me?
Well, I went to see the doctor today. I am now on meds so I can finally get better. It was last Tuesday that I went home early from work and ended up having a fever. And you know I appreciate my boss, but sometimes she doesn't make sense. When does "One minute" mean "One minute" and when does it mean "Leave me alone"? If I could figure that one out we would all be better off. Sometimes she seems to be genuinely concerned about my well being, but most of the time she cares about herself more. One day I am told "Your health comes first" and then the next thing I know she say "Tell me before you do anything." If only I knew what to expect.
All right, I am done complaining now. At least I can speak, which means I am better off than I was Saturday (my family isn't but I am).
I guess that is enough for now. |
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| It's Christmas |
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| 01:40pm 25/12/2003 |
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mood: bouncy music: Hero: The Rock Opera - Raised in Harlem
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I got Hero: The Rock Opera, just like I wanted! I am so excited, it is awesome and brings back the memories of when I went to see it in concert. What do you call a musical made of rock music, concert/musical/play? I guess I gave enough hints to my parents that I wanted it. "Did you know that I want Hero: The Rock Opera?" "Hero: The Rock Opera was awesome, I wish I had the soundtrack." "You know what would be a great Christmas present for me? Hero: The Rock Opera." My mom who doesn't even really know what I listen to was even able to remember most of the title when she went to the store to buy it.
I also got all of the BBC The Chronicles of Narnia on DVD. I can't wait until I can find the time to watch. Did you know that Puddleglum is played by Tom Baker (Doctor Who)? I love the books, have read them all several times. It has been a long time since I've seen the movies though. I think our library has had the videos available for checkout for forever.
I also got some new Christian t-shirts. All of mine seem to get holes or just wear out so quickly. One of the shirts kind of takes a spin from the title of "Return of the King" by saying "The Return of the King of Kings Jesus Christ" and it has the verse Revelation 1:7 on it. The other shirt says "I'm one of those Christians Satan warned you about." and has the verse Romans 1:18 on it.
My stocking has candy and a small Care Bear in it. All in all I think it was a good Christmas. Dustin and I also had a lot of fun picking out presents for my parents. My dad got another one of those pen drive things, hopefully he won't lose this one, and a new stylus for PDA that is also a real pen. My mom got a CD-ROM with cross-stitch software on it, a book with Christian story cross-stitch designs, and a frame for doing cross-stitch without a hoop. I tend to like to go with themes with my parents. We also got them a joint gift which was a CD with two games for their PDA's one was Battleship (for Dad mostly) and the other was Yahtzee (for Mom mostly).
It has been strange this year though. Usually we drive back to WV for Christmas. This year my parents went back for Thanksgiving. But the really strange part is that my dad's siblings have been sending us family gifts this year. Usually my grandparents send stuff, but not them. The really really strange part is that none of my mom's side of the family has sent us anything. I am not upset or anything, but it just seems that we are slowly being forgotten. My Uncle David is coming over for lunch with his kids, which is kind of in favor of my mom's side, but I just don't know any of that family any more.
One of my aunts sent us Pirates of the Caribbean on video. I can't wait til we watch it as a family. I love that movie (saw it 3 times in theaters). My Uncle Duane sent us a puzzle of a dolphin (that we already own) which I love the picture, it is one of those mosaic puzzles. I am not sure if I ever finished the one we had. Another aunt sent us some towels and body wash. I guess our smell has reached them. ;) I wish I could remember which aunt sent what, but my dad has three sisters and I have a tendency to mix them all up and I don't think I even saw who sent one of them.
I almost forgot. When Dustin and I went shopping for my parents we also bought gifts for each other. I got him Sword of Manna for his Gameboy and he got me The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King for my Gameboy. I have been having a lot of fun playing mine. It's fun playing as Eowyn, someday I need to see if it changes with each character. It's strange to see actually movie stills on a gameboy. I am used to really not detailed graphics.
Oh, I posted this without mentioning one of the best presents I got this year. My friend got me the Relient K Christmas CD (Deck the Halls Bruise Your Hand) and the special cover release of Two Lefts Don't Make a Right ...But Three Do. I love it very much and have taken it to work to torture my co-workers with. I am suprised they didn't do The Drummer Boy though, since it seems to be a favorite Christmas song of rock bands.
Well that is a lot, I see I am not going to be posting in here everyday, but when I do I will post a lot most likely. |
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elshaque's journal
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